What happens next?
Nobody wants to think about this but - what happens when you die? Well hello - did that wake you up? What kind of question is that?? I mean, we all know the world continues to spin - people go to work and exercise and plan vacations. We know that your family mourns your loss and works on healing and moving on. At least we hope they move on. Something else happens too - or doesn’t happen - your stuff remains in the same spot, waiting for your loved ones to go through it. Yes, there are the financials that get divided, but what about the decades worth of dusty boxes and old furniture that have accumulated? All of that has to be tended to as well.
Now picture this. Your family is so incredibly sad to have said goodbye to you. The loss is still fresh and they are navigating their way through a new life without you. Then reality hits. They “get to” go through all of those dusty boxes. They “get to” take time off from their families and probably even work, so they can decide what to do with that old high school yearbook of yours. The old bills, pay stubs and craft projects that have been long abandoned staring at them in expectation. Sounds fun, right? Nope.
Swedish Death Cleaning
There is a decluttering and organizing technique called Swedish Death Cleaning that addresses just that. The idea is that you take responsibility for your items so your family do’esn’t have to. You make the decisions now so they don’t have to later on when they are probably extremely sad and exhausted. I know it can sound morbid, but what a gift it can be - time and confidence in knowing the answers.
How do we get started?
Start early. Start before your back goes out and your arthritis kicks into gear. Obviously.
Categorize. Separate your belongings into general categories. Furniture, memorabilia, books, etc.
Decide and declutter. Think about why you have been holding onto the items as you are going through them. Out of all of your trophies from swim team, does the gold from states stand out as the most important to you? Perhaps you could get rid of the rest of them. Your college textbooks - do you ever pull them out? Are they even up-to-date anymore? The bundle of letters your husband wrote while overseas - they stand out as an easy decision to keep.
Talk about it. Tell your family what you are doing and why. Take the time to tell them about the important items that you do keep. The story about the necklace you wore on your wedding day that has your grandmother’s diamond in it, or the side table that you rescued from the thrift store and lovingly poured your heart into refinishing. Tell them the stories because in the end, your family will see the objects floating around your space without the story behind them to anchor them into place. A bunch of balloons filling a room without knowing which strings to grab and take with you.
Documents. When you are telling your family about your plans, be sure to keep all of your important documents together in a central location. Passwords, PINs, account numbers and any other relevant information will ease their frustrations when the time comes. Knowing where to find this important information takes off the pressure and time of searching later on.
Maintain. Of course we don’t know when our time will come, so this process must be maintained moving forward. As you see items that are of significance, set them aside. Write down or tell their stories. Items that are uncovered that hold no significance - let them go. If you surround yourself with the things you need, use and love, you will be in a good place to set yourself up for success.
On the receiving end?
There is another side to this theory - as the person on the receiving end of an estate - you do not have to keep everything that is left for you. Their stories might be enough. As a society we put a lot of value on things when in fact it’s the memories attached to them that really matter. There are ways you can keep the memories alive without taking up much space:
Journals - keep a journal of stories from your life that have shaped you into who you are today.
Digital files/scans - create a folder on a hard drive containing scans of special letters and papers that are important to you.
Photos - take a picture of something meaningful and write the story on the back.
Storyworth & similar keepsakes - these options email loved ones questions about their life over the course of a year and turn them into a hardcover keepsake book that can be passed on for generations.
What do you think about this idea? Have you had to address the clutter of a family member that has passed? Are you eyeing the piles in your parents’ home wondering what you will do with it all someday? When you look around your home do you see a curated collection of what makes you happy or a bunch of….stuff? As uncomfortable as it may be, talking with your family is a great way to get the ball rolling. Knowing that you are interested in what matters most to your parents/spouse/siblings can show them how important they are to you.
Preparing is power
In conclusion, we have the power to leave this world with the “gift” of clutter or the gift of time. Which will you choose?
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